Twigs

I am having a rare bad day.  Just sad and... sad.  Endings loom, and I don't want endings.  I don't even want new beginnings.  I want what is to be, and to be better, stronger, faster.  I'm tired, way deep down in my soul.  My bones feel like twigs ready to snap... he isn't in love with me.  He's too afraid.
Deep down, he still loves someone else, someone from before.. loves her in a way that means maybe he'll never love me fully.  He can't, not with the shadow still on his heart.  My bones feel like twigs.. ready to snap.
The air weighs too much. My thoughts weigh too much.  I wish and wish and wish.  I wish his loving me in the sweet way he does was enough.  But it isn't.  I'm capable of so much more.  So is he.  and I have grown bitter and sad, have put walls up that push him away.. because I'm a fool.  Because I am a petulant little fool, I spite myself.  I saw him fall in love with me.  Briefly, last summer.  He still danced with me, then.  And we were spinning in circles and he laughed,and he was in love.  but he pulled it away.  Put it back in the box in his front vest pocket..  my bones feel brittle.  Like twigs, ready to snap.

Immolation of a Younger Self

Looking at the  picture

 trips that switch

 anger and passion rise

together, thrumming Through my veins

 what was, is,

 was never really,  fleshed out and

 I'm hungry for the blood in her lips

 want to bite and suck an

 destroy that fucking beautiful face,

 stop the innocent love in that voice,

 burn away that whose very existence mocks 

the emptiness of the path chosen 

I deleted everything.  I begin again.